How to Help a Friend
Although many assault survivors do not report these crimes, many talk to their friends. Venting your anger or disbelief, attempting to take charge or make decisions for your friend will not help. Support, patience and validation are needed. Nothing you can do will eliminate the pain of their assault, but your support and concern will facilitate their recovery.
Guidelines for Helping:
- Remain calm: you may feel shock or anger, or want to retaliate, but expressing this will not be helpful.
- Believe them: survivors often tell no one because they are afraid no one will believe them. False reports of assault are rare.
- Don’t blame them: survivors often blame themselves and anticipate being blamed by others. No matter what they did, or did not do, it is not their “fault”. They cannot be responsible for someone else’s behavior. Survivors need to know they are not to blame.
- Listen: allow them to talk but do not push for details. Listen in a nonjudgmental way.
- Be patient: recovery takes time. You may think they should be “over it” by now, but for some people the effects of an assault can last for years.
- Allow the survivor to make decisions about what to do. Supporting their choices helps to re-establish their sense of control.
- Encourage follow-up: encourage your friend to get medical attention and other needed services. Make them aware of resources, offer help in accessing services. Actively encourage your friend to seek help.
