Common Reactions
Some people think that being forced to have sex by someone that you know is not “real” rape, and that being raped by a stranger is more traumatic. This is not true.
Although stranger rapes are often more physically violent, victims of acquaintance rape also feel threatened during the assault, and feel a profound loss of control over their safety.
One’s sense of trust, self-confidence and judgment are shattered. Survivors of acquaintance rape often feel that they are somehow to blame, and believe that others will blame them also. These factors can make the impact of acquaintance rape greater and recovery more difficult. Please know that survivors of sexual assault are never to blame for their victimization.
Reactions to sexual assault vary significantly in degree, timing, and impact on routine functioning. There are many different reactions and sometimes people do not react until days, weeks, or months after an assault. There are, however, some common reactions and recovery strategies. These include:
- Fear and anxiety: fear for personal safety, fear that the assailant may return, fear of being alone, or fear of being around people
- Recovery Strategies: Ask people you trust to stay with you; stay with a trusted friend; avoid being alone until a sense of safety is re-established; install additional home security devices; use a night-light; ask friends to walk with you to class, etc.
- Guilt, shame and self-blame: feeling you could have, or should have, done something to avoid the assault; feeling embarrassed by the reactions of others to your assault
- Recovery Strategies: Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the assault, it is not your fault. Sexual assault is a crime. You cannot be responsible for, or control the actions of anyone else. People sometimes blame the survivor as a way of feeling control over their own safety. Seek out people who understand that you are not responsible for being assaulted. Talk with the university’s Sexual Assault Prevention and Survivor Services Coordinator (438-7948 or 438-2778)
- Numbness and denial: feelings of confusion, being overwhelmed, withdrawing, feeling “nothing”.
- Recovery Strategies: Recognize these are normal reactions. Talk with others about your feelings, give yourself time to heal; use available resources.
- Anger: feeling angry at your assailant, angry that you no longer feel safe, having thoughts about retaliation.
- Recovery Strategies: You have a right to feel angry about what happened to you. Talk about your feelings with others who understand this.
- Anxiety and Depression: feeling anxious, restless, profoundly sad and hopeless, that your sense of personal safety and well-being have been shattered.
- Recovery Strategies: Be aware that you are not alone; it may be helpful to talk with others who understand the process of recovery from sexual assault. Talk with people who have been good listeners and non-judgmental in the past. Consider seeking professional counseling particularly when these feelings persist and begin to interfere with everyday routines or academic performance.
- Sleep disturbances, changes in eating habits: being unable to sleep, or sleeping all the time; loss of appetite or over-eating.
- Recovery Strategies: These are frequently associated with stress reactions and tend to dissipate over time. Use a nightlight and try to re-establish a consistent bedtime routine. Understand that you need time to heal, take things slowly as you begin to re-establish your daily routine. Seek professional counseling if these problems persist.
- Change in intimate/sexual relationships: Some survivors feel uncomfortable in sexual relationships as this triggers memories and feelings associated with the assault.
- Recovery Strategies: Talk openly with your partner about your needs and feelings; respect your own comfort level when re-establishing intimacy. You may be more comfortable initiating intimacy rather than having your partner initiate intimate contact.
Experiencing so many different emotions is a part of working though what has happened to you. There is no right or wrong way to react to sexual assault. Many survivors have found that self-acceptance, time and support from others has aided them in recovery. Using available resources and support can aid your recovery. Contact the Sexual Assault Prevention and Survivor Services Coordinator (438-7948 or 438-2778) for free and confidential assistance.
Additional Resources and Important Phone Numbers
