There is often a predictable pattern, or cycle, of violence in a relationship. Over time, couples pass through the cycle more quickly and the level of violence increases.
There is an increase in stress and tension building to an explosion. The abuser may increase efforts at controlling the victim with an increase in verbal abuse and minor physical abuse. The victim attempts to keep things calm and tends to minimize or excuse the abuser’s behavior. The victim has a sense that things are escalating and abuse is coming. They often describe this as a “walking on eggshells” feeling. There is an increasing sense of fear.
There is a act of abuse, a discharge of the tension that has been building during Phase I. The victim may fight back, or may try and remain calm, to “ride out the storm”. The victim is typically very fearful, and feels helpless and depressed. Often the victim will deny the abusive behavior, or make excuses for the abuse.
The abuser is often very apologetic, promises it will never happen again, will agree to get help, etc. The abuser may be very loving and attentive; or, the abuser may ignore their abusive behavior.
Over time, the “honeymoon” is again over, and the tension begins to build and the cycle repeats.
