Why do They Stay? - Prevention - Education / Prevention - Sexual Assault Prevention and Survivor Services

Prevention

Risk Reduction Strategies

Relationship Violence

What is Relationship Violence?

Cycle of Violence

Resources Available

Why do They Stay?

People often question why individuals remain in an abusive relationship. There are many reasons why it may be difficult to get out of a violent relationship.

Some people confuse control and jealousy for love
The person loves the abuser and continues to hope that they can change the abusive partner
Peer pressure – pressure to conform to a norm that says you are nobody unless you are in a relationship
The person believes the abuser and feels the abuse is all their fault; they believe if they could just “do better, get it right”, etc., the violence would end.
Fear – the violent partner may have threatened to kill them if they leave
Shame – being embarrassed and afraid to tell family and friends about the violence
Self-esteem is severely damaged – after a history of abuse the victim begins to believe the negative things the batterer is saying, and no longer values themselves or views themselves as capable or desirable.
Violence is only part of a relationship, not all of it. Victims may still love the “good side” of the batterer.

Available Resources

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